


Nine years later

by Angelique458



Category: Veronica Mars (Movie 2014), Veronica Mars (TV), Veronica Mars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Rated M for future smut, Romance, Tropes, bit of dick/logan bromance too, lots of logan's thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-19 02:57:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8186756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelique458/pseuds/Angelique458
Summary: The events of the Veronica Mars movie from Logan's point of view.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I watched the Veronica Mars movie several times recently and I was wondering what would be Logan's point of view of the events of the movie. How does he felt on a date with Bonniefan or what were his feelings after he realized Veronica and Piz are still a thing. So I wrote this up xx

I felt bad about Carrie dying but I simply wasn’t able to mourn at all. I liked her, I even said I loved her several times but she just went away like everybody else in my life and I wasn’t able to feel anything. Being charged with her murder just made me think that maybe this is my destiny. Maybe this is how it was meant to be. I was charged with murder so many times before that it felt like some sick version of Final Destination. Maybe my fate is to die by lethal injection or rot in prison and I was fighting it for too long. Her death and all the mess around it especially in the media reminded me my mother jumping from the bridge, my dad being charged with murder and then being shot. Echolls family like angels of death bring nothing but sadness and destruction to everybody. I wasn’t even able to save Carrie. I tried. I really did but she ended up in her bathtub breathless anyway.

  
This is my punishment. Serves you right Logan for thinking you have your life finally together. You know that nothing good can happen to you, nothing can last long enough and this is the end. Just accept it idiot. You didn’t kill Carrie but you should probably go to prison anyway because you didn’t save her either.  
I wasn’t sure what to do. I had to hire a lawyer. I wasn’t quitter, I knew that I need to fight the system, I need to prove my innocence but even when I pushed to go on, deep inside I just knew that this is the end. End of sad life of a white man that had everything but the life still kicked his ass.  
My eyes glanced at Dick, who for some reason ended up living with me. I was out working most of the year anyway so this house was more his than mine. He didn’t mind my presence and his carefree nature was probably a good influence on me. I often thought he didn’t mature at all but then again: I am in the same place as I was when I was 18 years old. Charged with murder, hated by town and press. Back in the days, I had Veronica to count on. Of course, we were often like cats and dogs and I was probably just a cause of stress and mess in her life but she was there to serve justice and trust me.

  
“Have you heard of Veronica?” I asked nonchalantly. Dick who was now very busy browsing his tinder profile took while to answer. “Nah man. She’s in New York or something. I heard she studied law or something equally boring. Can you imagine?” No, I really couldn’t imagine Dick as anything else but what he is now. I didn’t want to talk about her more because just mentioning her name felt odd. It’s been nine years since we spoke and during all that time I tried to not think of her. She was better off me, obviously. Being lawyer out of Neptune. Her dream I suppose. I often wished that I could just quit Neptune and never come back but it was the only home I ever had. I worked abroad most of the time and coming back here was like coming home.

  
Next day I was trying to go through all inquiries my soon to be lawyers and law companies left me. It was a mess. Part of me didn’t care for who I hire but part of me really didn’t want to die for something I didn’t do. All I could see was a list of names and numbers and from the short statements in emails and texts, I didn’t feel like anybody really wants to help they just want a big case to get to the news. Nice to know your life is only good as a promo for some lousy lawyers. Sweet Logan. You really got far.  
I closed my laptop by smacking the screen down on a keyboard. The phone on my desk in front of me was tempting me. Veronica is almost a lawyer. No. Stop that train of thoughts right now. My heart was beating faster just thinking about it. She had no reason to help me. Maybe for old times’ sake but let’s be honest I caused her lots of stress and I was real dumbass most of the time. I loved her. I still love her. You won’t forget a person like that. You won’t get over a relationship like that. Ever. She was forever tied to me and not because we dated. I dated many people after and few before. I loved Lily, once I thought she is the love of my life. Veronica was different. She knew me. She was there when the biggest tragedies of my life happened. She saw me thrive and suffer and she understood. That kind of mutual understanding is something you can’t get from just anybody. We went through so much together that the experience was making her special in every way and I knew I won’t meet anybody like that but sometimes love and the connection is not enough. You can love somebody and keep hurting them. As the events of my life shown I do hurting pretty well. I would say that if there was a competition in loving and hurting I would be champion worth Olympics.

  
The difference between my past failures and tragedies with what is happening now is that right now I do not believe I can actually go on. I am done. It’s too much and I don’t want to deal with it. I was younger before and I had hope for future even when I suppose that I always had self-destructing tendencies. My hand grabbed the phone and dialed the number. It rang. She didn’t change her number in nine years. I kept that old number saved for nine years. How silly of both of us. The beeping sound was making my heart race. My mind was thinking what do I exactly want from this. She probably can’t do her practice yet as far as I know but maybe she could help me pick one of those losers who want to make money off me. She was always a solid reader of human character.

  
She hung up.

  
Fuck.

  
I immediately dial the number again. Why is she hanging up she can tell me no? We haven’t spoken in forever but she should at least pickup. I think of all those times when she simply ditched me when she thought I might have done something bad. Not ditch in sense of dumping me but she would just leave my house when she found out my dad’s hidden cameras. It was never 'Logan what the fuck' it was always 'see ya never idiot'. And I had to be tiptoeing around her and try to figure out what piece of my messed up past caused it this time. Maybe she is not picking up because she’s done with my bullshit. I can’t even blame her.  
I keep it ringing anyway. I feel too stupid to back off now.

  
She picks up and asks me what’s new with me.

“I need your help, Veronica.”

  
Blast from the past. How many times did I say that before? She is hesitant but tells me that she doesn’t do that anymore. She really put her past behind. How lucky for her. I constantly feel like my misfortune and past keep chasing me. Maybe I am that bad past that is chasing Veronica now. Even when I realize that I shouldn’t be doing this I can’t help myself. Just hearing her voice makes me feel like I can perhaps handle this.

  
“Well, can you just hear me out?”

  
There’s secret plea in my voice and I hear sight on the other side of a line that tells me to keep on going. I explain that Carried died. I only found her dead and I need a lawyer. There’s too many of them and I have no idea who to choose. There’s death penalty in the California so it’s pretty important.

  
Maybe I could not mention the last line. It made it sound like I’m blackmailing her to come but she’s studied law and would put two and two together soon anyway. I tell myself that if she said no I wouldn’t contact her ever again. Maybe I couldn’t. Maybe I would be rotting in prison or dead.

  
Veronica promises to fly in to help me weed out the losers. I promise to pay for the ticket and ask for email. That’s it I can’t say anything more than thanks. We both awkwardly listen to each other’s breathing for a few minutes before she finally says ‘okay, see ya.’

  
I make sure to book the most comfortable first class ticket available. Part of me has a hard time to believe that she agreed to fly to California just to do this. It is across the country. It’s not like she’s going to school to meet up with me in girl’s bathroom to discuss some minor crime.

  
I look at the map and stare at the little NYC dot for a while. I set a notification on my phone to go pick her up according to the plane ticket I just booked but it’s useless because the chance I would forget the hour and date are close to zero.

  
Semi-drunk Dick peeks to my office smiling and asking me what the hell am I doing awake sober. That pure soul. I simply reply ‘work’ because I don’t feel like talking to him about Veronica when he’s drunk and probably high too. He never really liked her but accepted her after I snapped out at him that one time. He is very easily readable person so I know that he didn’t miss her those nine years at all and always thought she’s little bit weird.

  
When he wobbles off I lean back on my chair and stare at the ceiling. Only two more days and … things will get better.


	2. Chapter 2

_And I wonder_  
_When I sing along with you_  
_If everything could ever feel this real forever_  
_If anything could ever be this good again_

_****_

I don’t even know how I managed to eventually fall asleep but I sure do remember how I woke up. Somebody heavy jumped on my bed which immediately snapped me out of whatever dream I was having.

“Logan!”

One loud whine was enough for me to figure out that it’s my associate and constant pain the ass Dick. He rarely goes to my room not to mention my bed so I wonder what he wants. As I sit up I shove him off and with a loud thump, he ends on the floor.

“What are you doing? Dude seriously quit the drinking it’s starting to get into your head.”  
He crawls back up and sits on the edge of my bed as I reach for shirt annoyed. One thing is that I don’t like being woken up and second is dealing with Casablancas early in the morning.

“Man, I was just thinking in the shower...” He starts and runs his hand through his still wet blonde hair.

I can’t believe I have to deal with him even as a full grown adult. Then people say I am heartless and murderer. If I really had murderous tendencies Dick would be a long time dead with how often he gets on my nerves.

“That must have hurt,” I mumble and put the shirt on. It’s only 5:30 which means he had to come back only now.

“No, I mean it. I really don’t want you to go to jail you know. We’ve been friends for like 30 years!”

“More like 15 but okay.” I correct him and decide that there’s no point trying to go back to sleep. I learned to get up early in navy anyway.

 “Whatever. It would just really suck. ”

“Awww,” I make fake sounding sight and nudge Dick’s shoulder, “don’t tell me you would miss me.”

He stands up and frowns probably finally sobering up enough to realize what is going on. I get up too and pat his shoulder. It is nice to know that at least somebody doesn’t think I am killing girls (even though there is fair chance that Dick would simply not care if I did it or not).

“Don’t worry. I called Veronica last night.” I finally confess and stretch thinking about shower and breakfast already.

“Veronica Mars?” He asks and sits back on the bed watching me locking my watch on my wrist. I had a feeling in my gut that Dick won’t exactly approve.

“Yes. Do you know any other Veronica? Or you know what don’t answer. I bet you know dozens and I don’t care for the details right now.”

Dick doesn’t let my chatting distract him and surprisingly refuses to change the topic.

“I’m not saying she wasn’t good at snooping and all that but are you sure it’s a good idea?”

I glance back at him and can’t believe that he’s trying to lecture me right now.

“She will help me choose a lawyer. Maybe even put some light to this mess.”

Once again my words fly right through him.

“Yeah I know but that girl has power over you.”

Okay, now I’m leaving the room because I don’t want to discuss my relationship with Veronica with anybody. There is probably no relationship to speak about anyway. She will help me for old time’s sake and that is it. I say nothing and go to the bathroom but when I come back Dick is fast asleep on my bed.

Great.

The day goes by fast. I have some work to do but I find myself glancing at the clock too often. Only 5 hours until her flight lands. It is a little bit strange I would feel more anxious if I didn’t have those murder charges and Carrie’s death on my mind as well but I still feel like before the first date.

I don’t have time to change so I go in the uniform and buy a plane ticket to Palm Springs so I can get through security.

I’m there a few minutes early so I stand there and hypnotize the arrivals sign. Maybe Veronica is not going back to Neptune for me but I conveniently called just at the time of reunion. Maybe she wants to see her dad and Wallace and Mac and since she was thinking of coming already she’s going to stuff helping me into her itinerary as well.

I smile a bit at how ridiculous those thoughts are. Maybe I am scared to admit that she is really coming only for me because I don’t know what that means. I am refusing to allow myself think that it can mean anything. It is not like we see each other and jump into each other’s arms like in some romantic comedy. I didn’t run to airport Ross Geller style. But I feel the connection with her deep down in my heart and I can’t deny that to myself. I know Veronica will come for me because I would do the same for her. 

Always. Whenever.

And there she is. Her blonde hair bounces around her shoulders as she walks carrying her suitcase. Her look sweeps me off my feet and I stand there like a doofus. I need to keep my hands in my pockets because I always fidget with them when I’m nervous. Navy taught me how to control my emotions but because I was always pretty impulsive it doesn’t always work. I’m thanking my uniform for making me look so content and professional.

I greet her first because I’m honestly excited at this point. You must understand that past few days were completely terrible and there wasn’t much to redeem them. Every day something new and awful pops up online about Bonnie so I don’t have time to deal with this and get over the stress. Here she stands, what I suppose could be called the love of my life but it is more than that. I don’t care if I date Veronica. I know we are connected in the way how we both understand each other. That is almost more important. Either way, the meeting is something different. Her presence makes my day and I let her briefly hug me.

We chit chat about my uniform and I am pleased to find out that she hasn’t changed much. Not in the way she’s speaking not in the way she acts. It is Veronica. Even in a possibly awkward situation like this, it takes her few seconds to get on my wavelength.

When I tell her about Palm Springs she smiles and I can see that she feels the same.

The good old Logan. Charged with murder. Just like the old times.

I carry her suitcase out to the Neptune’s sunset.

"There's the sun. Do you ever get tired of all this amazing weather?" She asks and I feel more and more like my old self.

"Yeah, and how about them Dodgers?"

It feels incredibly comforting to be able to joke around. I was not a serious person after Veronica left either but I can’t say that I’ve been a bundle of joy past weeks at all. 

Previous year sucked altogether. Veronica just makes it easier.

"Look at us, falling right back into our old rhythms."

I would spend all the time she’s going to be in California with her if I could but I know there are more important people than me she wants to see.

We drive to the Mars Investigations agency. I’m glad we hit it off well but there’s something bugging my mind. It goes back to my ‘she’s here for the reunion/friends only’ and I just have to ask if she thinks I’m guilty. I can’t imagine the response being positive. I don’t even know what I would do if she said yes. I count too much on the fact that I have at least one person who is on my side.

She looks at me into eyes and doesn’t flinch for one second.

"I wouldn't be here if I thought you did."


	3. Chapter 3

I'm pouring myself  coffee in a kitchen when I hear loud moaning coming from the speakers in living room. Stirring the sugar in I peek and see Dick with a laptop on his knees. Of course. 

"Nothing says good morning better than the sounds of loud lovemaking. Seriously?"

He closes the laptop and turns back leaning over the edge of a couch. I immediately notice that he is about to lie to me. Not that I care I just find it odd. 

"What?" I ask mildly annoyed and step closer.

"Nothing. Just you know the early morning cravings."

Okay, now I am convinced Dick is keeping something from me. I take a sip from the coffee and put it on the table. Without saying anything I snatch his laptop and open it. The video starts playing immediately. My body sinks into the chair as I stare at MYSELF and Carrie making out and falling to the bed. 

"It just went viral," Dick exclaims and now I understand why he was hesitant to tell me about it. 

How did they even record this? One would think that living whole my life with paparazzi constantly behind my back I will be able to figure out if somebody wants to record me secretly. Dick vanishes but I don't even notice where he said he's going. My mind keeps wondering how could this happen and who would profit from this. Well, anybody selling it to the press of course but it feels more personal. I check my phone to see if Veronica hasn't called. Nothing. 

The screen reminds me a message I received while ago but before I get to look it up I hear my roommate's yelling.

"Hey, Logan, that girl who follows you around is here! "

I am starting to doubt that not even Veronica can help me out this time. There are videos and paparazzi shots and I was found passed out next to Carrie's body. It's Neptune, not Criminal Minds, nobody will care about the truth anyway. The public either thinks I'm guilty if I get sentenced or not. If I end up in jail I will be the Logan Echolls: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Father accused of murder, the son being sentenced for one. I hope somebody cute will play me in my biopic. Whatever happened to Tom Welling?

I hear Dick's voice and Veronica following him. 

"Another video from the Logan Echolls-Bonnie DeVille home collection just hit the Internet."

I pass the point of feeling embarrassed. I do feel unsafe and threatened.  It's almost like you can do anything without people looking at you and judging you. Even if it's behind the closed door. 

How will this make me look in front of the jury's eyes? Oh yeah, he was just fucking that pretty successful singer and probably killed her in a jealous rage. He had it coming. 

The most disturbing part is that I am not aware of any of this. I have no idea how would anybody get to footage like this. I would notice a camera, wouldn't I? Did the years of hanging out with Veronica really teach me nothing? 

"God, how did they get this?" 

She leans closer to look at the video. I don't think there's anything that could suggest who the culprit is on it. Her eyes check the screen and I know she's thinking of every possible explanation. I doubt there is any. Probably some creep with voyeuristic kink or somebody who really needed those 3 grand. 

"It could be anybody," she says but I've seen the entire footage and I know you can clearly see it's us when we're entering. I don't really want to be snarky but I can't help myself it's getting worse and worse. 

We get nowhere with the tape and the lawyers start coming in. I don't like any of them. They all act like I am guilty and good way to make them rich. It's not surprising and I know I will have to choose one but my mood is ice cold at this point. Veronica listens carefully and I regret dragging her into it a little bit. One of them calls me american hero which would work on the jury as well as basically saying I did it. 

I like one dude who came third. He seems alright and professional. The way he's speaking reminds me one of my father's lawyers which leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I know Aaron killed Lily and he was sentenced innocent. I didn't kill Carrie but there is no way to prove it.

The fact that this entire mess is so similar to what my abusive piece of crap father went through as well while being guilty is making me nauseous. Am I that similar to him? Was my navy redemption arc really just an act? Should  I just embrace being a spoiled rich kid that will get away with everything?

"Logan!" Veronica calls my name and I snap out of my spacing out. The thoughts that can't leave my mind are still keeping me distracted and annoyed. 

I can deal with the fact I have any similarity with men I hate the most. 

I'm listening last of our contestant for America's greediest lawyer and when I politely say goodbye I'm 99% done with this lawsuit already.

"I'm guessing you lawyers have to take lots of showers."

Veronica is staying professional. Leaning on the island in my kitchen and trying to do what she travelled all the way for. I'm having a hard time focusing (what's new?) and as usually play around with stuff in my kitchen to distract my hands. I make mental note of buying pants with pockets only. 

She says we basically need to find some other theory of who could kill Bonnie  DeVille who is not me. Of course, that is smart. She's right. I really wish she could stay here until the case is over (or even after that) but I don't wanna be a douchebag of blackmailing her into it. 

It's hard to decide what I want at this point because even without the murder charges distracting me I wouldn't want Veronica to be miserable and she always wanted to escape from Neptune really bad. I am proud of what she achieved. I never doubted her strength and I knew she's going to be okay but seeing her all professional and lawyer-y makes me feel that New York is really good for her (which undoubtfully sucks for me). 

The last lawyer was the worst. She was trying to convince me that if I look like a good boy then the jury will take pity on me. She even said that her stylist can make me look innocent. Well, thanks. If I knew polo shirt can solve drama I would be wearing them since I was 17. 

I would take her advice and go with  Jackson Frederick. I know how lawyers are (sorry Ronnie). He doesn't give a shit. But it will be probably the easiest to not snap at him.

_Part of clearing you will be finding a compelling alternative theory._

I was thinking about who could kill Carrie as well. Often. I never found anything that would be a plausible theory. If she didn't die in a bathtub by electroelution then I would think she killed herself. With how bad her depressions were lately, her fight with addictions and our bad fights. It would make the most sense. My mind wanders back to the message I was thinking about when I watched the video of us fucking earlier today. 

Veronica must know but Dick will come back from his surfing session soon and I really feel like hanging out with her before she leaves. I ask her out for a drink. It is funny because she looks at me like I just ask her for date and I really wish I could. Unfortunately, the case is more important and we don't have time to be social and deal with my drama at the same time. I suppose it was always like that 50% dating 50% crime. 

She smiles at me and agrees to go for a drink. We don't talk in the car much. I don't want to discuss lawyers anymore and Veronica just seems to be enjoying the ride. I hate that I can't take her to some place fun or at least decent but she needs to see my "alternative theory" before leaving and this is the only way. 

It's almost like shitty motels and bad bars are somehow magnetic to us. At least no paparazzi there. That will be a good change. 

 


	4. Chapter 4

We leave the house and get into my car. Veronica seems excited, not knowing I'm leading her to an embarrassing hellhole. Who wouldn't reunite with me? Screw dinners and fancy clubs. Here you get lawyer sessions and a karaoke night. 

The club is pretty lame. I went there with Carrie once, she wanted to see if anybody picks her songs. It was at the time where she was doing okay and we had fun together. I try to not think about that much. I glance at Veronica putting her seatbelt on. I always liked how short she is, she definitely makes up for the lack of height in spirit. 

"Where are we going? Is it a surprise? I hope there are ponies." 

I don't answer but I can't help to smirk. The ride is short, the club is only a few minutes downtown. It's terrible. I would almost rather take the crazy paparazzi then this place. The moment we walked in some crazy Canadians started to sing if you can even call those noises singing.

Once again Neptune citizens show their taste for fun and alcoholic beverages because there is no free table. We end up sitting by the bar. Veronica still seems rather chipper and happy. I think it's adorable but quickly scold myself for getting distracted. I simply can't allow myself to get attached to her at this point. It is funny because when we talk and hang out I can pinpoint the exact things that made me fall in love with her in the past. I also know that she would put the case first. So I try to scan the room to see if the girl I'm looking for is here. 

Veronica grabs the menu and jokes around. At least somebody is having a good time. I can't appreciate her jokes properly because they are about to announce another singer. 

"Okay. Next, up we have... Ruby Jetson." 

Bingo. 

Ruby starts singing and the Canadian folks boo her. I can't blame them, she really does look like a cheap knock off Bonnie DeVille but it is still sort of harsh. Unsurprisingly Veronica stands up for her. That sense of justice. No wonder she's a lawyer. It's strange to see Ruby, she comes closer and tells me she misses Carrie too. Pardon Bonnie. I just try to breathe and pretend I am not here with my ex-love and psycho stalker right now. Really last thing I wanted was to give Ruby any sort of sign that I have positive feelings towards her. I did think she's harmless. Just this obsessed girl who really looks up to her idol. But she did send me pretty creepy message and we found her hiding in Carrie's closet so that is only small step from fan to murderer. Right? I feel bad because I sort of feel that she wouldn't kill her icon but I didn't do it either. 

Veronica is smirking at me the entire time. I hate my life. Ruby slowly wanders off back to the stage to finish her song and I know this must be our cue to leave. Otherwise, the chances are she would talk to me more and I can't deal with that tonight. Veronica's eyes are telling me _your fans are_ something _Logan_ even when her mouth stays silent. 

First sex tape then crazy fangirl. I am making such a good impression on her already. Food for thought during dark New York night, I flatter myself. 

Ruby glares at Veronica. If I was 16 maybe I would enjoy the ridiculousness of this situation but right now it is far from funny. I take Veronica's wrist and nudge her. 

"Let's go," I mutter knowing that Ruby's song is heading to its end. 

"What? I didn't even try the Donkey punch!" Veronica complains and glances at the menu. 

"Donkeys won't be what will punch you if we won't leave. Ruby is glaring from the stage and the Canadian bunch doesn't seem too thrilled either."

I know very well that I personally could beat up those guys if Veronica needed it and she could totally handle Ruby but I had enough of this place for one night. 

We leave the club and I drive where Keith lives. Veronica questions me about Ruby a little bit and I walk her to the door. It makes me think of how back in the days her father would dislike me and she was worried he spies on us when I walked her to her house. Wait, I'm pretty sure he still dislikes me. At least something is constant in this world. 

We both stand and look at each other. I really wish we would reunite under different circumstances but seeing her face and eyes locked on me once again doesn't make me feel bad at all. I can't believe she bothered to come here for me after nine years. I really feel like I saw her only yesterday. What years? They sure mean nothing to me right now.

"Thank you, Veronica. Nine years of radio silence and yet I still kind of knew, deep down, I could count on you."

Her blonde hair frames her face and even when she's wearing heels she reaches only to my chest level. She is beautiful as always. Her passion for justice and fearless attitude are still there even when it seems they are buried under the professional lawyering attire. I see right through her. Her core. Her soul brought her here. 

"About those nine years..." she starts but I brush it off. It really means nothing. I knew she needs to leave, I knew that talking to me would be only dragging her back away from what she wants to achieve. I am still a jerk. Let's be honest. I know she deserves better and last thing I would want is to be the one who ruins her life but at the same time, it's hard for me to say goodbye. 

She tells me that she feels sorry about Carrie. I feel sorry about that too. I really hoped, at least when we started dating that we can make it work. I tell Veronica how it didn't work and I can't really conceal my own regrets in my voice. Maybe I should have saved her but I didn't. 

It makes me think of when Beaver jumped off my building. I didn't save him either. It makes me think of Lilly how I was blind and she died. How my mother jumped off the bridge and how my father ... I stop my nostalgia right there. I was supposed to do something. Veronica always said it is not my fault but was she right? Can one person witness so much and not be responsible for it. 

**"** You're gonna get through this," she says and I hear the comforting tone of her voice but I don't believe it. Not this time.

"Am I? Oh, I guess it has been a charmed life." but it's done. I add to myself and dedicate one last smile to probably the only person who still believes in me. Even if everything goes to shit now and I won't handle it at least I could see Veronica and for a few moments feel like I matter. I probably deserve all of this anyway but she doesn't.

I step closer and kiss her temple. 

"Take care of yourself, Veronica."

And I know she will because she is a fighter. Maybe she didn't punch as many faces as I did in my life (then I wonder why am I so unpopular amongst the dads of the world) but she's strong and fights better.

"You too," she mutters and I'm on my way to the car, leaving Veronica and her house behind me. 

Can this be the end of it? Isn't it a little bit anticlimactic? I drive home fast because the fresh cold air makes me feel better. I almost turn the car on the bridge and drive back but that would be stupid. What would I say? Throw your life away Veronica because I just decided that this wasn't enough! The selfish part of me craves that but I have to be a good person at least now and let her decide. 

I know Veronica Mars. I can claim that I think. And if my gut is right and if I know the girl as well as I think this can't be all of it. 

If she is convinced I am innocent as she claims (and I trust her) then she won't let me hanging.

Veronica Mars won't leave an innocent man to get slaughtered (I get a little bit dramatic in my thoughts but that is what driving convertible alone does to you). 

I do not turn and knock on her door, fight Keith and confess I want her to stay which would be rather an obnoxious gesture. I promise myself that in the morning I will wait on her street and if I am right she will get to the car and we'll crack the case.  If not then I will see her face before she leaves for another nine years so it's a win either way. 


	5. Chapter 5

_I served six months, five for a three-moon night_  
_And to one like me what's a_ boomin _fight?_  
_She's a_ boomin _site._

 

My phone beeps and I really hope it's not another secret video alert or request for an interview. I glance at the text and soon I'm driving fast down the street, getting into this part of Neptune second time in two days.

It is pretty boring but nice suburban-looking area. I still remember Veronica's old house and my old house that burnt out years ago. It is bit funny but I didn't really feel much nostalgia towards my home. That happens when you live in hotel good chunk of your life. Veronica's old home was where I run off after I got beaten up on the bridge. I was accused of murder at the time too. See the pattern? They took me to the station before my wounds even got disinfected. 

I stop the engine and get out of the car leaning on the side of it. The house in front of me doesn't seem special. It is a nice place. Hard for me to judge I guess part of me is still pretty spoiled. 

Then Veronica opens the door. Look who is back in uniform. I can't say that her New Yorker style didn't suit her but this brings me back. She smiles widely as she sees me waiting. I notice her giant messenger bag. She grew up. I still remember her wearing combinations of pink and green. This is a good change (I stuck with shades of green and grey but at least the orange is gone .. mostly) I think to myself and try not to be too obvious when I check her out. Her hair is down and the stripey shirt brings back the Veronica Mars - private investigator vibe. When did I start checking every single detail on people anyway? 

I also need to remind myself not to grin like an idiot because the circumstances of this meeting are definitely not funny. Her friends and dad must be very thrilled that she decided to stay so she can meddle into this murder mystery. I don't blame them for not being fond of me at all. Especially Keith. As selfish as I am, I just stop thinking about that and enjoy the moment. It was always a rollercoaster ride but the highs were sky reaching. 

Smiling at her again I compliment the change of attire. 

"You should only wear this." 

It is a beautiful day. The sun is shining but the wind is refreshingly cold as we drive. 

"So, what is the first stop."

"I checked Ruby's tax records. We have an address."

I'm not surprised she had already time to start gathering information so I just not like good sidekick and make u-turn towards Ruby's place. I really hope she won't be home because I don't think I would be able to deal with her when I don't have crowds to protect me. She is still our suspect too and has some sort of weakness for me considering all that creepy email I got which makes it a better job for Veronica. They also don't know her and my face is, unfortunately, present in the media.  (Reminder to myself to ask that one lawyer about the stylist she mentioned anyway)

I find the place and stop the car on the street. It looks way nicer than what I would expect from the thrift store dresses Ruby wears on her karaoke nights. It is really nice family home. Veronica immediately corrects me and points to the small apartment above the garage.

Of course. That makes more sense. 

"I need to get inside. Specifically, I want to get on her computer, see if, A.) she’s the one who sent you that email, and, B.) whether she has anything to do with those videos from inside Carrie’s house," she states and keeps her eyes glued at the building.

I didn't think that Ruby is the kind of person to sell videos to press and I have no idea how she would even get the footage. It is pretty creepy to imagine any way she would be included.

"I think I would notice if somebody was filming us," I say dryly.

I don't know what is she thinking that I spend my days doing. Making amateur porn with stalkers? This is a mess that I didn't choose to be part of. Okay maybe I could have thought of it before I started dating celebrity but I grew up in a house of movie star. I wasn't thinking about Carrie's fame at all when I started dating her. It felt normal from the start.

Veronica points out that you can hide camera basically everywhere now and I remember how Ruby bought a flower bouquet one day. Fuck. I am an idiot. 

This is why I need you, Veronica, to kick my spoiled ass and tell me about stuff that my rose colored glasses of life fail to see!

As we talk about Ruby and Carrie I explain what happened that night Carrie died. It is strange how when I tell what happened it all points to me. I was the one in the house. I was passed out and found by former Mossad agent who came to check the alarm. I was yelling at Carrie on the video. Used the words END UP DEAD. 

Veronica doesn't seem to change her mind about my innocence, though. I know her too well to figure that these are all just clues to the mystery. 

It is tiring to repeat the story again. Can you imagine how many times I said the same thing (aka the truth) and how many times person listening thought I'm lying? Plus it is all tied to my mess of a relationship with Carrie. She was 10 weeks sober. I told her that she shouldn't go to parties then and we fought and ...

Maybe I am just cursed or too fucked up to handle a normal relationship. I was trying to be a good influence on Carrie. I was trying to help her even when we were broken up because I have this thing that I really can't have a clean break up with anybody. The whole media popularity thing makes it pretty difficult too. She texts me and I can't help my white knight syndrome kicking in. I find her in her bathtub, run towards her and rest is history. 

Veronica says nothing. She just makes all the mental notes she needs and probably memorizes every word I just said. I know the case is her now.

We need to leave because I suppose the presence of my car could blow up her cover later. 

Unfortunately, you can't really take a break from your life only because you are a murder suspect. I head home, do some paperwork, work out, talk to Dick, the usual. My phone is next to me in case I get text and my presence is needed but I know that now it's better to let Sherlock work. 

Another unfortunate thing is that I can't help but look online for what are the news saying. Except the obvious, that I am murderer there are plenty of old pictures of Carrie. I feel like shit. Thinking about how literally everybody in her life (okay her family aside) is trying to make money off her death. Her old classmates (again mental note to "talk" to them on reunion about this) are giving interviews and selling old pictures. 

Before I make another mistake that would ruin my night and load an Instagram feed with #bonniedevilledead tag Dick comes in and starts yammering about who he is planning to meet (he used a different word, take a guess) during the reunion. 

I tell him that I'm not in a mood of seeing a majority of Neptune high again but he doesn't care. I know he doesn't need me there and will have enough fun. I wonder if Veronica goes, my guess is no. 

"So, how are the things with Ronnie going? Have you already rekindled the old .. flame," he makes suggestive movements of his eyebrows and I feel like my fist is itching to punch something. 

"This is not about that. My ex-girlfriend is dead. We have work to do."

Dick is difficult to get rid off as always. I really envy him his positive attitude and merry mood. My eyes end up on the tin of now eaten pot brownies and for a second I wonder if the chronic depression was really just an excuse to smoke weed legally. 

"Yeah but she looks pretty hot. Her boobs are nice."

I stand up and decide to leave the Instagram rage for a different date.

"Goodnight **Dick**."

He opens a can of beer and hops on the couch.

"You too! Dream of some high school shagging. AND TELL ME ABOUT IT WHEN YOU GET UP."

I just roll my eyes and close the door of my bedroom. 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Next day is pretty boring. I let Veronica do her job and just hang out in the house. It's like closing a lion in a cage, it makes you nervous and I have already pretty solid problem with aggressive behavior. I don't worry about her sneaking into Ruby's house. She did this many times before. Fathers close your daughters, lock your door Veronica Mars is investigating. 

Working out always helps the frustration and as I try to follow my workout routine I overhear the TV playing in the room next. 

_The Star’s family is pissed off because Logan Echolls is still walking around like a free man._

I can feel my muscle tensing as I try to press more weight than I should. It was shitty enough to be accused of murder when Felix got stabbed but I didn't know him so it was just annoying and scary to know I might go to jail for that. I do sound like a douchebag and maybe I am but that's the truth. Truth also is that I tried to care for Carrie and here I am again. It's almost like all my girlfriends are somehow cursed. They end up either ruined, dead or very far away from me. Good for them. Maybe Carrie should have gone on the world tour instead of staying in Neptune and she'd be alive. There are serious flaws in my character. It's strange how you can hate yourself but to the extent, you are unable to do anything about it. Could I be a possibly better person? I tried with Carrie and it didn't work? Doctor Freud would have fun with me, I am sure of that.

My mind wanders back to Veronica who regardless of everything understands. She gets my moods. She gets why I do things. 

_Can you name a single person who thinks that kid is innocent?_

I almost pull a muscle as hard I work out but at least when I get back to the house I am too tired to think of anything else but a shower.

[ **veronica** - > **logan** : text ] pick me up at 8

[ **veronica** - > **logan** : text ] dress fancy

[ **veronica** - > **logan** : text ] it's date night

I stare at the text for a while surprised. It's obvious that she can't mean legitimate date night but I don't question it. Choosing my nicest suit I dress fancy and wonder what plan she has this time. I realize that I told Veronica about what my relationship was like but I have no idea what she's been up to. There are no rumors about her except that she is about to be a lawyer because I don't hang out with the crowd that would care for her. I didn't dislike Wallace, he was an okay guy but my bad influence on his best friend kinda killed that friendship before it even started.

Veronica climbs to back seat to my surprise. I turn back to look at her confused. 

"Keeping the safe distance, I see. Worried about my charm being too irresistible?"

She hesitates but smiles and I figure there must be some reason for all of this.

"Quite the opposite," she says and scoots closer to me "I hope your charm will be so irresistible that Ruby will spill the beans."

I am looking at her face being only a few inches from mine. This night is definitely not going the way I imagined it earlier. 

"Ruby as in my stalker Bonniefan23?" 

I sound very unamused. I don't wish to spend my night with Carrie's impersonator at all even thought she might be a nice girl. I get annoyed a bit but start the car and drive towards Ruby's house. Meanwhile, Veronica explains why is this date necessary. I can't even be mad because she got into trouble trying to help me (this rings some nostalgic bells). Obviously, I wouldn't want to sabotage Veronica's career so I made peace with the fact that tonight will be weird. At least Veronica is there to get some information out of this and I will try to help her out by being nice to Ruby.

When I stop in front of Ruby's house she is dressed in her Bonnie Deville attire. I smile and give her bouquet of flowers Veronica suggested I got on the way here. She presses it close to her and smells it. Her eyes are glistening with happiness and she really does look like she's having the time of her life. Now I would feel bad if I ruined it even if she wasn't possible suspect. I'm not thrilled about any of this but I do try. Whenever I meet Veronica's eyes they have big SORRY BUT THIS HAS TO BE DONE written over them.

Ruby chooses 09ner for her date. It's a place where I used to go fairly often especially with Carrie. It's sort of the hip place of the town where all the former rich kids hang out and when somebody from the outer circle manages to get in, it's mostly to stalk the celebrities or find some girls to sleep with. 

I always preferred private parties over clubs when I was younger or casinos or poker nights but all of those are mostly in past. When did I even get this boring? I protect Ruby from the paparazzi who should lovely things such as " _You gonna kill this one too, lieutenant?_ ".

Ruby doesn't seem to mind. I lose track of Veronica but I feel like she's right behind us.

The club is pretty crowded but at least bouncer didn't let any annoying asshole with a camera in so I can forget for a couple of minutes about all the mess happening outside. My goal is to keep paying attention to Ruby so she would A) have enough fun so she wouldn't feel threatened by Veronica and therefore wouldn't throw her under the bus and B) she would feel comfortable enough to possibly tell us something about the case.

Veronica needs to stand by, this time, there's no other option. I take Ruby on the dance floor and sway her to the rhythm of music. A small part of me is into it (to the extent that this weird situation allows it to be) since she's having so much fun that I almost forgot what is it like not to make everybody around me miserable. I am very careful with what I say so I'm trying to be quiet most of the time. Ruby was drawing hearts on my upper thigh almost entire ride to 09er and I don't wish to encourage this further. 

I chat with her a little bit when she asks me about Carrie. It's nothing too strange, I think. Just the stuff about her music and what was her favorite color, food, perfume, music performer etc. I remember it all. I would be such a good boyfriend if I wasn't secretly some angel of doom. 

I start telling Ruby story about the time we went to Grammy's and then she asks to dance again. At this point, I almost forgot this is fake date and I just treat it like a normal one. I hope she writes something nice about me on the forums later. 

A few drinks later Veronica comes to us and sits down exhausted. Apparently, she didn't like any guy who was hitting on her. I grin to myself because I can very vividly imagine how did she tell them no. I hope they all somewhat recover.

Ruby is not too pleased but she accepted Veronica's presence and sits close to me. Girls start talking about the murder and apparently even Ruby is unsure if I'm innocent. Well, thanks. This is what I get for landing my thigh to you for your romantic art endeavor. 

Soon we realize that Ruby has an alibi. I wouldn't like if she was nuts enough to actually murder somebody so I accept this information even though it doesn't help my case at all. Veronica leaves to pick up a phone. I have to laugh when Ruby warns me about Veronica. It surely is a girl to be careful around but it's funny I am getting this advice. 

I lean back and take a deep breath as Ruby wanders off to dance to one of Carrie's song. I'm a little bit sick of hearing them at this point but it makes sense they are needed to make this illusion perfect. Soon Veronica joins me on the couch and announces that Ruby has a solid alibi. Well, at least that. 

She also announces that she has to go back to NYC the next day. My stomach sinks hearing that news but it was to be expected. Her life is there now. I just wish we had more time to be together. As in to solve the murder. Of course. 

"Good for you, Veronica.I don't envy opposing counsel." 

I am honestly proud. For a girl who never was given anything in life easily, she managed to get so far. I remember all that crap my friend said about her and what I said about her when I was younger. And here she is making tons of money, living in NYC, being a lawyer. If anybody deserves that it is Veronica. I would hate to sound like I need her to stay for me. She came to help and that's enough to push me through this. 

I can see her eyes studying my face. Maybe she's looking for some sign to stay or for some sorrow but I try my best not to show any. Yes, I wish she was here with me and it would be like old times. You know the talk, bloodshed and all of that but this is for the best. I got my boost and I hope she doesn't regret it either. 

  
"I really wanted to see this through with you. To find Carrie's killer."

I know that. I want to say she doesn't have to apologize of course I know she wouldn't drop the case she wouldn't drop me just like that. That's been already proven. Before I reply Ruby comes in and blesses us with a bunch of crazy theories about Carrie's murder. One is sillier than the other and I know that all we did was good for nothing. Ruby knows nothing and she's 100 % innocent. 

Leaving the 09er I think that I did a good job as a date tonight. I get pretty solid kiss from Ruby (I hope I fulfilled whatever fantasy she had about me) and head back to Veronica who is waiting by my car. This is the end then. This is over. I will drive her home and won't see her for another nine years maybe. Or maybe she might come to visit me in jail someday while working.

World is small after all. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know the tv lines were from previous scenes but I figured when big news happen they do repeat the footage a lot. xx


	7. Chapter 7

I grin through the kiss Ruby plants on my mouth because this situation is simply too ridiculous for me to take it seriously. It was unexpected, the girl is braver than I thought but when she leaves back to her house I am glad that this part of the night ended.

No offense to the fans but I prefer my girls to be stalking OTHER people, not me. Oh well, I stand there little bit caught off guard for a second and turn to Veronica, who has an apologetic expression on her face.

Finally, the heat of the day vanished and colder air hits my nose as I take a deep breath and approach my car. Before I sort of hoped Veronica will stay because the curiosity about the case and hopefully whatever was and is between us will stop her from leaving. Now it's settled. Big shot New York lawyer needs to go back to the city. I get it.

It makes me feel as upset as I am proud of her. Now not because of the case, the longer this goes the more I make peace with the fact I will have to stand the trial (not that I wouldn't fight but it wouldn't be my first time to being charged for .. something). It's just unfortunate because of how little time we got to spend together.

I think of one moment, back in the days when we didn't know Aaron killed Lily and I brought her to my house. She asked me if the thing between us will ever get normal. I think I replied something sassy about teddy bears but there was a lot of truth in that question. Will it ever be normal? Was it? Would we be the same people?

The thing about me and Veronica that I know must be invisible for people from the outside. To her father, friends is that we shaped each other as people. We existed outside of our societal norms after Lily was killed. The journey that we took cost us our relationship because it had to. To grow and handle so many things made it impossible to date like other people did. We couldn't have teddy bears and we couldn't have dinner dates. I see part of myself in Veronica and I feel part of her in me.

Whenever I do something good, when I make the right choice I know it's heavy Veronica's influence on the past speaking through me. I wonder if she is still the same. If she gets too sassy or too rough with people and it's a little relict of the asshole Logan Echolls in her but I think it's reasonable to think that. We were the mirrors for each other. I acted based on how she reacted and she did the same because the rest of the world was simply too weak to have that authority over us.

I understand that is all gone and for what it is worth I am okay with that. I can't be sappy or gleeful about any of this because it wasn't good. I wasn't good influence. I didn't make things better and easier. It was never about that. It was epic in the true meaning of that world and epic doesn't equal good. Such consuming thing left traces in me and I think made me a better person but could never erase my flaws as much as Veronica would never get rid of hers. She is here after all.

After all that I am more proud than sorry and I wish her the best but that doesn't stop me from trying to find reasons to hang out more.

"I am so sorry. And so grateful," she says and I can't imagine getting mad at her over a bump on the road that was supposed end up with me being a free man.

Then she asks me to go to dinner with her and her friends who I know are not too fond of me. I make several attempts to find a little spot where I could push myself and spend time with her before she leaves but it's hopelessly full. It feels like this shouldn't be the end of it. Is it?

I walk around the car when I hear her say we should take a long way home.

The car goes fast through the town and bridges by the sea. I didn't have a ride this enjoyable for a long time.

I am still so self-destructive at some moments that I find some sick joy in being silent next to Veronica. Just enjoying her presence knowing I won't get to see her for years. Maybe I could say something. Maybe I could go to New York but that is not how we work.

I care too much to drag her into it more, I feel some guilt over bringing her back to Neptune. Maybe if Carrie wasn't dead I could think differently about it. Dare to be more blunt and ask for more but in this case, I am getting more than I paid for anyway. I asked for help with lawyers and I got to see she's the same old girl who broke and stole my heart repeatedly. Who trusts me after everything that happened, who is my true soulmate in the purest sense of world and that doesn't require us to be in a relationship or friendship or in the same town.

It's just engraved in the universe and we both know it. This ride, silent proof of it.

Veronica is smiling and seems so happy. I try not to glance at her too much.

First I will need to figure out the Carrie thing and then I can brood over how miserable my life repeatedly gets later. Ah, some things simply never change. It's as stable as Dick's love for girls that will later regret meeting him.

This is me Logan Echolls with Veronica Mars back in our own realm where reality doesn't hit. When she leaves I can always get back to that and know that I would be a worse person without her.

Thank you, Veronica for everything you did.


End file.
